Personal Update

I’m working on some better stuff, but honestly…I’m quite distracted by which I’ve wanted to do for ages, but never had time to aka: catching up with friends, sketching, playing Final Fantasy XII, and watching some anime. XD

Terrible, I know. Work consumes all my other time considering I work just about every day of the week.

Fortunately…work is the main reason I’m writing this entry tonight. I’d just like to share some silly gender stories with you all (whoever reads this being you all XD).

Background: I work at Lowe’s in Richmond. It varies where I work in Lowe’s, but I’m always a cashier (unfortunately)…whether it be Returns, Customer Service, Mid Registers, Self-Checkout, or Lumber…I can do it all. I have low patience for dumb people, but they have no idea because I’m amazing a patronizing people. I’m also very amused by some people, and in general I tend to laugh things off pretty easily. I’m also not easily offended…easily annoyed, yes…but not easily offended. Finally, I wear a binder. Not all the time, but I do take enjoyment in looking masculine in attire and binding it as frequently as possible during the day.

Story A: Deer-In-The-Headlights Girl.

The other day I walked into Lowe’s feeling quite confident about myself (aka something I associate with my masculinity because passing as male pleases me). I walked into the women’s bathroom, as I tend to choose that more often due to the “Brittany” name tag on my vest. No sooner had I found the edge of the mirror to fix my hair than this younger (20ish maybe) girl walks in. She stands about three feet away from me, looking at me with the best facial expression I’ve seen in quite some time. Note the title of my story…it was like a deer in the headlights/she’d seen a ghost face. She proceeded to panic and mutter about whether she or I was in the right room. I refrained from giggling at her and decided to just go on my way (as I had to actually get to work XD). Amused me the rest of my shift though.

Story B: Irritating Pig Man.

Today was the second story that prompted me write this entry. I was working Returns (which most people understand is the worst possible place to work due to impatient/irritating/asshole customers). I got one of those negative customers. He was on his phone the entire time, while he told me how I was doing my job wrong. I wasn’t doing my job wrong, as I was well aware, but he attempted to tell me how to do my job. When I told him there was something I couldn’t return do to his license being blocked (it’s a loss prevention thing…that he knew about), he got all pissy because quote, “If you can return all the other stuff, why can’t you just return that too?” Honestly, because policy tells me not too and getting impatient and disagreeable isn’t going to make me do something that I risk my job for. We’ve already had two people fired in the past week, and I don’t want to make it three. Either way…he was disagreeable the whole time, but I kept my cool. Alas, in one last sad attempt to break my calm composure, he says, “Thank you, sir.” (trying to be as asshole about it because he’d been calling me Brittany).

Honestly, I had to refrain from giggling at him too. He seemed quite irritated with the fact that my fake smile grew into a bigger, real smile…which made me smile more.

My co-workers know my situation of being genderqueer, and it’s something when I tell them about this guy and they laugh at him too. It makes me feel quite epic.

So overall…that’s my amusement of the week :3

Enjoy.

~Peace and Love~

OP: Original Plumbing

As I am a cliche romantic…I tend to love to do small things for people.

I need to share this cute little tale of mine as I will it to bring smiles to others as much as it does to me (not trying to boast).

Last Saturday night, I closed at Lowe’s (as I often do in my 6 day work weeks). I came home and followed the same routine I had been in for the past few days. As it was Thanksgiving break, my boyfriend and I were separated and had been using Yahoo to communicate through webcam and the call feature. It was working out just fine, but I felt a greater need to be with him. Either way, this activity continued into the wee morning hours, as was normal as well. At about 3am, I came across a recommendation whilst reading Genderfork that I absolutely couldn’t ignore. I used the fact that we had been dating for just about a month then to buy this present for him, and then proceeded to also decide to drive to NOVA (Northern Virginia) 2.5 hours away, at 5am, with no sleep, to see him.

Showing up and having him stagger out in a sleepy daze while I was wide awake due to so much caffeine, excitement, and the chill of a 34 degree NOVA morning on my skin was more than worth what may have seemed like a irrational plan.

We also went out on a date when we got back from NOVA. Brought him to dinner at Cracker Barrel, and then saw Fantastic Mr. Fox (which really is fantastic). A stunning night, and one I won’t willingly forget.

Any way…the present was OP, and it just arrived yesterday. It was so exciting. Original Plumbing is a unique Trans Man magazine based out of San Francisco. The first edition is only in circulation for a while more before the next issue of the quarterly come out, and I snatched it up quick when I saw that. Full of interviews and articles from FTMs, I think I’m definitely going to continue buying it for him. It makes me feel special that he liked it so much and hadn’t heard of it (as I was afraid he might have, seeing as that he is quite knowledgeable about the community).

Yay! I’m silly. I <3 him though.

~Peace.

Adam Lambert: Victim of Sexism

Adam Lambert…oh what an interesting case it is for me to discuss, yet I feel the need to the more I read about recent happenings.

Briefly, to sum up what I’m about to post about:

-I dislike Adam Lambert. Obviously not because he’s gay, but because I dislike American Idol and those involved in it usually. Also, the fact that his voice sounds like grating metal when he hits high notes irks me a bit. Just not my cup of tea. You understand?

*Image from Photobucket.

-Adam here was at the AMA’s (American Music Awards) a few nights ago. He decided to willingly and knowingly to [attempt to] break the sex/gender norm and present in a very high sexually driven way (see Lady Gaga’s skin colored outfit with a strap on etc, and Rihanna’s band outfit that left little work for the imagination…also featured in the AMA’s).

-Adam did perform. He sexy danced with a keyboardist, pushed some other guy’s face into his crotch momentarily, and then proceeded to also make out with the guitarist.

-Such blatant homosexuality! On national television?! The people wouldn’t have it. Over 1500 complaints to the station, and he was even canceled on Good Morning America. He plans to appear on another talk show to explain the performance, but for now it seems that no one wants to touch him with a ten foot pole.

Let me now quote someone from another site who stated:

If Lambert hadn’t kissed that boy, no one would care about that performance.

Honestly, I couldn’t agree more. You watch the video and it’s truly almost difficult to catch these moments unless you are looking for them specifically. I have to drop my normal feminist tendencies to say, “WTF!?” If Lady Gaga and Rihanna can do what they did at the AMA’s without complaint, and the damn BritneyxMadonna kiss was so hyped to the point of insanity…what is wrong with this? Why is it that the MSM (mainstream media) can allow two women to be together so all the straight men can get off, but a gay guy appears and he’s automatically crucified? For a performance…at an award show known for crazy performances?

Really people. What did you expect? And how were you shocked by this? I smell sexism…as always.

I say: Adam, keep doing what you’re doing. Tear down society’s stupid sexist expectations and throw a knife into their comfort zone. Get it, legit.

~Peace.

Honestly.

I haven’t had the time to write a serious post. This fact is one that I worried about when beginning this blog because I want to be a blogger you can rely on updating frequently, and having good topics when such updates occur. As I wallow in self pity over the two tests I probably bombed today, I think I’ll write a short snipit.

I’d like to explain myself to the world a bit. There’s just a slight problem with me doing this…From what I’ve seen and experienced, the more I try to explain, the more confusing I get to those around me.

Two prominent examples of this: AUSA this past weekend, and work (but that’s another story for another day).

AUSA: I meet some of Zack’s friends. Due to his situation, they naturally try to confirm which pronoun for me is correct (which is respectful, and  I was flattered by this). I tell them, literally, “Whichever you want.”

This is my common answer to those that question me as to what to call me too. Often my answer is, “Whatever you want.” Sometimes, I’ll be generous, and tell them I usually go by Britt or Brett, but still remain set in the idea that they can call me whichever they deem appropriate. It varies for me. I’m never always one, and I’m never always both. I’m at a constant in-between usually. I sometimes reference the “Rift” in normal conversation. Some that know my deeper workings, aka Zack, know of this as the gap between my two “personalities” (aka Britt and Brett).**I usually have to clarify at this point. I don’t have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I know what it is, I wanted to be a psychiatrist, and I don’t have it. Rather, it’s appropriate to say that I’m aware of the two extremes of my personality, but to make it easier to understand, I just separate them as though they’re two different people. Honestly, you can tell the difference between them, and I really am pretty much two different people. I”m happy with this fact though.

It’ll start to be more obvious if I continue writing about it, but for now…that’s a snipit to the personal side of this blog. Enjoy the few words that I can think of to try and explain the inner workings. And know…this was totally random, and I apologize if it’s repetitive. I didn’t think much, I just typed.

Class time!

Peace. <3

Update

Some unexpected plans surfaced this weekend, so I probably won’t be on the computer…I just wanted to post a ;quick update about how I will be updating asap.

It’s actually a topic that I’m trying to make really understandable and nonoffensive. Identity vs Expression.

Coming up soon. Maybe some pictures of AxelxRoxas from AUSA too…but that’s another story XD

~Brett <3

Coming Up: Transgender Day of Remembrance

Transgender Day of Remembrance is coming up this Friday (and we’re also holding a vigil at VCU on Thursday night with Queer Action).

I keep trying to blog, but I’m having trouble finding time lately. I’ve been super busy with registering for classes next semester (not to mention trying to manage with the current ones), dealing with a flat tire, working, and preparing for VCU Drag Ball (which is this Saturday, and which I’m performing in as a Dragstreet Boi…get it), etc.

Though. I would like to share a song I heard on the way home from chemistry this morning. I believe many meanings can be found from the song, but I know I personally think that it’s very appropriate for TDoR.

Lady Gaga: Bringing A New Scene

Seriously…there is so much I can say about Lady Gaga. I’m not obsessed with her like some of my gay guy friends, but I truly like what she’s bringing to the scene nowadays. She’s like the new David Bowie, bringing androgyny/genderqueer not only in her style, but around her as well.

As she injects her addictive music into gay and straight bars around the world, I can’t help but notice that in her videos she includes are androgynous dancers and various themes crossing many unusual boundaries (*Note: unusual, as in it’s not usual to see it in mainstream).

I use Bad Romance, her new song and video from “The Fame Monster” (released the 23rd of this month) as an example. The video reflects the idea that the album seems to be moving towards a darker, almost gothic pop if you will. There’s a lot of great moments in this video, and the song is crazy addictive.

(I do so hope that she’s moving more into this new style…I feel it’s less like that Australian electro artist’s original stuff that Gaga kinda maybe thrifted…)

We may have all heard of her doing the blood thing at the VMAs, we’ve all probably heard people speculate whether she’s a man or a woman (due probably to the fact that she talks about having a dick…honestly, “who cares?” is what I say…obviously XD), she’s talked about being bisexual, she appeared and spoke at the National Equality March ( I know, I was there), she often appears in issues related to the LGBT community, etc etc.

She’s not afraid to be whoever the hell she wants to be, no matter what anybody says, even with her job on the line. And THAT is what I admire her for most.

Just Exist.

Just Exist.

The words never meant so much to me before I started on my gender identity seeking journey. True, that it meant something beforehand obviously, but definitely not as much. It’s actually quite amazing when I look back at even just a few month’s ago, and I realize just how much I’ve changed in so little time. Honestly, I’ve never been one to think that people could change my way of thinking…but it’s impressive when you meet so many that actually can.

To sit on a wall in the middle of the night (or what feels like night since 7:30 is as dark as 10) with two friends just chatting about what life would be like if people would just live, and stop thinking so much about what they should be. To discuss what the pros and cons of growing up in a gender neutral environment. The possibly good and productive ways to change the normative. That’s the normal conversations I have with people I know sometimes. It’s good to sit out there drinking our respective Starbucks drinks that we picked up from the library 20 feet away, lying on the brick and squinting at the sky to try and see the stars through all the city lights.

I thank people for the small impacts they have on my life. For people like our little troupe of drag kings that go by the Dragstreet Boiz, random people that make my days at work a little better, and for people genuinely interested in my life or how I think, or something of the sort. I thank people like AJ (who I hope is reading this so that they might see that I am thanking them, as I just can’t find the time to write the freakin reply email cause I’m so bad about emails), who sent me an email expressing interests and gratitude towards me. It makes me whole day feel a lot better, and it’s the interest that’s helping me continue this blog…because honestly, I give up on ideas easily usually.

This idea matters to me though, and it’s the people that help me continue. Thank you all.

~Peace, Love, and Equality For All~

Seventeen: Teaching Your Teenager To Be A Bigot

Seventeen released an article I just heard of recently titled: My Boyfriend Turned Out To Be A Girl.

Seeing something like that just gives me a bad feeling. Considering the fact that I’m a lesbian-indentified genderqueer dating an FTM, reading this article definitely left me with less than happy feelings. The T in LGBT is obviously an issue close to my heart, and I can’t believe the journalism this time.

A few notes about the article: Bolded text in the center reading “It felt like my whole first love was a lie,” a picture that has one of those scribble arrows with “He is really a she!” under it, and the comparison stories of Total Betrayal: “He’s a druggie!” “He’s a Perv!” and “He’s a Dad” snippets at the bottom. Wtf Seventeen?!

Pam’s House Blend reads:

In quick summary, in the Seventeen magazine issue for November, a young adult named Sheri, in an “as told to Jessica Press” article, talks about dating someone who the article describes as a liar — a female-to-male young trans man who the article proclaimed as really being a “she.” The bolded and enlarged segment of the article text, put into a text box in the center of the piece, stated “It felt like my whole first love was a lie.”

The thrust of the article, from the article headline to the bolded and highlighted text, seemed to be that female-to-male transsexuals are really females who are deceiving others. This isn’t supported by “Sheri”/Jessica Press’s use of proper pronouns throughout the piece, but it is accomplished in the headline chosen for the piece, and the highlighted and bolded call-out boxes for the piece.

In no way am I saying there shouldn’t be freedom of speech and press, and all of that…but Seventeen having an article like this and presenting in the way that they did is unbelievable to me. I don’t read the magazine (I used to all the time, but mostly for the embarrassing stories XD), but it’s understood that many young adults do. The girl in the article presents in a understandable way (by using correct pronouns, admitting she would have stayed with him, and overall being pretty cool about it), but I think Seventeen is actually the one to blame for the bad taste in my mouth.

Who edits this magazine? There are certain rules to be followed, from what I understand, in the journalism world; and whoever wrote this article just scrapped a lot of those rules. Using this article to slap a label of liar and deceiver on someone is defamatory, correct?

This is why this society really needs to reform it’s thinking (and it’s writing).

As Pam said. Words Matter.

Read her site and her article on this.

~Peace, Love, and Equality For All.~

Andrea Gibson: I Do.

An inspiring piece from one of my favorite poets. She’s from Maine and she’s devastated…enough said.